The eyes of the beholder

My long time friend, Bala Wala Shi, posted this on her blog.
And I just read about the reaction of SJP to the MAXIM magazine article which named her as "the unsexiest woman alive in the world."
Then I had to think about the issue of "the eyes of the beholder" and stereotyping.

First, SJP. She shouldn't have been surprised. If you look at the list of the women who were also named as "unsexy": Sandra Oh, Madonna, Amy Winehouse. Of course straight men don't like them! They are strong, independent and professional women!

SJP is right:

"I really like the choices I've made. I am who I am," she says. "Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not."

You go girl! We love you. But SJP, why did you get mad on the article? You know, the article simply reflected its readers' opinion. And I believe it did reflect the opinion or perception of most of the straight men in the U.S. quite precisely. Why do you care? I don't. If I feel sexy, that's all I need. I don't need any assurance from men. Oh, I do care the opinions of my gay friends, though. Because they know about shoes!

About Bala Wala Shi's post. To be fair, we all do stereotype. For example, Jeremy, my American friend (who Bala Wala Shi also knows) lived in South Korea teaching English years ago. He said to me that his Korean students often asked him "Do you play basket ball?" "Do you have a gun?" "Do you want to go to eat at McDonald's?" I have to admit that I thought all Americans cursed all the time like in the movie Pulp Fiction before coming to US. I thought all Argentinean men were romantic. My husband bought me a new CD by Prince for my birthday. Well, it could be considered romantic for some...no judgement. My English teacher in Japan, who was the third generation of Japanese American, told me how difficult for him to find a job at language schools in Japan. Because he is not blue-eyed blond.

The problem is that there are quite a few people who think their perception is universal and do not accept the fact that the things they think "wrong" or "unsexy" may be only the product of "the eyes of the beholder" or cultural difference. I and Bala Wala Shi more often face this issue than others because first, we are Asian and Arab, women, who often become the subject of curiosity, strange fantasy and....you know, misinformed pity, living in the Western countries. Second, because to some extent, Western or American (or North American) culture dominates the world.

Oh, BTW, Japanese straight men are the king of stereotyping. If they find a cute quiet girl, they instantly assume she can cook. They sometimes get disappointed after marriage. Most of my unmarried female friends who are beautiful, professional and sexy, cook very well. Men just don't see them. Idiot.